Boundaries Are Your Superpower (and Your Sanity Saver)
1. Because you’re not a 24/7 emotional concierge. You don’t need to be on call for every request, crisis, or “quick favor.” You’re not a hotel front desk. You’re a whole human being with a schedule, a soul, and a fab skincare routine.
2. Because burnout isn’t a badge of honor. Running yourself into the ground isn’t noble. It’s just exhausting. Boundaries are how we should protect our energy like it’s the last oat milk in the fridge.
3. Because “yes” loses its magic when you say it to everything. When you say yes to everyone else, you’re often saying no to yourself. Boundaries help you reserve your yes for the things that actually light you up, not just the things that make you look agreeable.
4. Because peace and quiet are not guilty pleasures. They’re basic human needs. You’re allowed to decline the chaos and choose calm. Even if that means turning off your phone. Spoiler: This applies even when your calendar is closed and your phone is on Do Not Disturb.
5. Because your time is not a group project. You don’t owe anyone access to your calendar, your couch, or your mental bandwidth. Boundaries remind people that your time is valuable, even if you’re just using it to stare at the ceiling and breathe.
6. Because you teach people how to treat you. Out of all the reasons listed here, this is the one I live and breathe like it’s oxygen and my daily espresso. (with a shot of Lavender of course) Every time you set a boundary, you’re sending a clear, confident memo: “This is my expectation for this partnership, friendship, or any relationship for that matter.”
Honestly, most people aren’t trying to cross your lines on purpose. They’re not villains. They’re just operating on default settings until you show them the new terms and conditions. Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re instructions. And when you deliver them with grace and conviction, you give others the chance to rise to the occasion.
And if someone doesn’t get the message? That’s a them problem. You’ve got lattes to sip, peace to protect, and empires to build.
Why It’s So Hard to Say No
Social Conditioning: From a young age, women are praised for being agreeable, helpful, and self-sacrificing. Saying no disrupts that narrative.
Fear of Backlash: At work, it can feel like saying no risks being labeled “difficult.” In our personal lives, it can feel like you’re letting someone down.
Internalized Guilt: We often equate our worth with how much we do for others. Saying no feels like we’re not doing “enough.”
Here the reframe: Saying no is not shutting people out. It’s about showing up for yourself.
Now, Let’s get practical.
Here’s how to say no with confidence, clarity, and zero guilt at work and in life, using advice from top men and women’s leadership and empowerment experts:
1. Use the “Positive No” Framework
From negotiation expert William Ury, adapted by women’s leadership coaches
Affirm your values: “I really value our collaboration.”
Say no clearly: “But I won’t be able to take this on right now.”
Propose an alternative: “I can help you brainstorm someone else who might be a fit.”
This works beautifully in professional settings where you want to maintain relationships without becoming a doormat.
2. Channel Dr. Brené Brown’s Clarity Mantra
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Don’t over-explain. Don’t hedge. Just be direct. Try: “I’m not available for that.” Full stop. No fluff. No guilt.
3. “The black Women Best" framework from Janelle Jones.
Janelle Jones, Previously chief economist at the U.S Department of Labor. Snaps as she is the first Black woman to serve in that role.
Janelle introduced the "the black Women Best" framework , It’s a mindset. A daily practice. A way of moving through the world with unapologetic clarity and power. Here is a summary.
1. Prioritize Yourself First, Not Last,
2. Name the Barriers, Then Break Them,
3. Redefine Success on Your Terms,
4. Build with Your Community,
5. Lead with Joy and Boundaries
4. Practice the “Two-Sentence Decline”
From time management expert Laura Vanderkam
Keep it short and sweet:
“Thanks for thinking of me. I’m not available, but I hope it goes well.”
“I’m focusing on other priorities right now, so I’ll have to pass.”
This is your go-to for both the PTA and for the office happy hour.
I would be remiss not to include the tools and frameworks from my own book, Beyond the Mission Statement. It’s a guide that is universal in its message, timeless in its wisdom, timely in its relevance, and deeply impactful for women as a collective.
And while you’re at it, I highly recommend looking up the insightful minds mentioned throughout this piece. The men and women behind these frameworks, Janelle Jones, Brené Brown, Laura Vanderkam, and others, are dropping gems left and right. Their insights are powerful, practical, and worth every bit of your attention.
You can pick up Beyond the Mission Statement and the guided journal at all the major spots. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository, Books-A-Million, Indigo, Walmart.com, Target.com, and of course, directly from my personal website.
Because empowerment isn’t just a concept. It’s a practice. And it starts with you.
Own your story. Burn the script.
Jenny